Disciple: The Relationships Within
By Christine McTaggart
There is incredible work going on throughout the Diocese of North Carolina, with example after example of ministries going out in the world to “meet people where they are.”
For two churches, the relationships established through the congregations’ outreach efforts created a realization they wanted to put that same energy into building connections and relationships within the congregation itself. Feeling it as much a call as any other, both churches have found space for tending to these relationships. Though both spaces are very new and using very different approaches, each congregation is already realizing as many gifts come with maintaining relationships as do with building them.
FUN IS FAITHFUL
St. Philip’s, Durham, is a congregation known for its outreach and work in its local community. Social justice, racial reconciliation, environmental care, urban ministry — the list of service opportunities is long, the efforts of the congregation are tireless and the collaborative relationships developed throughout Durham County range wide.
But in late summer 2017, the Rev. Jonah Kendall, rector of St. Philip’s, sensed another need developing in his congregation, and this time it faced inward. On separate occasions, several long-time members of St. Philip’s approached Kendall and expressed a wish to connect with those with whom they shared Sunday worship in a setting outside of services. They wanted to feel more connected as a community.
“We’re so known for our outreach in the local community,” said Kendall. “The work there certainly provides opportunity for collaboration and relationship building. But when a number of people approached me with essentially the same request, I sensed the desire for a connection with each other beyond the posts of social media or worshiping on Sunday. And as a rector I want that for my congregation — not just to feel connected to the Church, but to each other. That’s how we get closer to God. But how to do it?”
It turned out the seeds of the answer had been sown earlier in the summer when Kendall preached a sermon that became the basis of what would become Fun is Faithful. Built on the parable of the mustard seed, he spoke of God’s power to turn something small into something large. “It implies God is working alongside us,” he said, “allowing things to take root and grow, and learning to trust that is happening and knowing not everything is up to us. We must trust God is working in our lives.” Kendall then spoke about having fun and the idea that when we have fun, when we let down and let go, we create a space for God to work in our lives.
When his parishioners began expressing their wish to feel closer to one another, Kendall thought perhaps some fun might be a step in that direction. He recruited a few of those who had approached him, and together they brainstormed ideas. The first gathering was held in October 2017 and was a classic: Game Night.
Participants were asked to bring a board game to place on one of the tables; from there, everyone was free to play whatever looked like fun. Approximately 75 people came out that first night, and everyone had a good time.
The second outing was to the local bowling alley, and the night provided valuable lessons. Only about 15 people attended, letting organizers know that cost was an important factor and potential barrier. The majority of participants in the first two events were members of young families, and activities that included a cost for an average of four people made it less enticing than simply providing a way to spend time together.
The third gathering was the charm, and it came in an unlikely form: a square dance. “I put it on the idea list because I remember learning it in school and laughing as we learned,” said Colleen Kelly, one of the Fun is Faithful organizers. “It’s great just to laugh with people and bond, and sure enough, we laughed all night long, and it was wonderful.”
More than 100 people put on their dancing shoes and came to the event, all the more amazing since the square dance took place on a February night when the region received a significant snowfall. This time it wasn’t only families that came out; parishioners of all ages took part, making it a truly intergenerational event.
“It feels good to have fun together,” said Kendall. “One long-time parishioner told me, ‘That’s been one of the missing ingredients, just having fun with each other.’ It’s been touching to name this and find space for something we all long for, and it’s already started increasing the connectivity and bringing people together in a way that runs a little deeper than when they see each other only on Sunday morning.”
[Learn more about St. Philip's work with racial reconciliation.]
EPISCOPARENTING
Raising children has never been easy, but helping kids navigate today’s fast-changing world presents parents with challenges never before faced. For some, this makes having a supportive network and a true community more important than ever.
This was the case for Jean Foster, a member of Trinity, Statesville, and the energy behind Trinity’s newest ministry: Episcoparenting.
“She came to me with a simple request,” said the Rev. Brad Mullis, rector at Trinity. “’I want my children to grow up with church friends in a church community.’”
“I think having other Episcopal parents to help us maneuver through raising our children is important,” said Foster. “But this was as much about building a community for the kids to grow up in as it was about providing parents peer support.”
Foster’s request was met with enthusiasm, and she went to work bringing the idea to life. She sent an email to all Trinity parents, inviting them to join her for breakfast and conversation before services on Sunday morning. While the parents met in one room, the children could be found just across the hall in Sunday school, but with all able to go back and forth if needed.
The idea’s value was recognized immediately; four couples came to the initial meeting in early January 2018, and already that number has more than doubled to 10 regularly attending couples. They make it easy on each other, marking the start time of each gathering as “9:30ish” so no one hesitates to come in if they run late and providing breakfast so there’s one less obstacle to getting there. Each meeting has a planned conversation topic or formation question ready, but the discussion often follows its own direction.
“We don’t have a formal format like we do in a class,” said Foster. “It always ends up being more of a discussion. Everyone wants their child to have a faith community, and the conversation organically points to what’s happening in that moment for us, like how do we do faith in the home?”
It’s that combination of support and faith that Episcoparents seek. In just the few months since the first meeting, a Facebook group has already formed to stay in touch throughout the week, and plans are being made for other meeting times and spaces to accommodate Trinity parents for whom Sunday morning meetings can be a challenge.
And while these early days are focusing on building a community of support for parents and peers for children, the long-term hope is to see it become an organic conduit to building back church into the raising of children.
“We’ve made a commitment to raise our children in Christ, and we’re choosing to do that in The Episcopal Church,” said Foster. “The biggest goal for all of us is to develop a space where children want to go and where they have friends, and where parents have each other.”
NAME IT
While very different approaches, both Fun is Faithful and Episcoparenting have a lot in common. Both came into being as a result of recognizing a need by and within a congregation. Both provide a space to bring people together and an opportunity to make connections that might otherwise be hard to make. And both find a new way to let God work in our lives.
For those recognizing a similar need in their own congregations, those involved with Fun is Faithful and Episcoparenting have simple advice. “If you hear a longing in your community,” said Mullis, “listen to it.”
“Speak up and name it,” said Kendall. “Don’t be afraid or think having fun or making new connections with each other is of any lesser value than anything else you do.”
Christine McTaggart is the communications director for the Diocese of North Carolina.
Tags: North Carolina Disciple
