Deacon Reflection: The Power of Spiritual Exchange

My name is Wendy Merrill, and I am a deacon serving at St. John's, Charlotte. I was ordained this January (2020) so the role of deacon is still a bit new for me. When I was invited to write this reflection about myself as a deacon, my reaction was “Where do I begin?” So my thoughts went to my CPE experiences and my ordination, both of which were so rich in different ways. I have decided to share parts of these two experiences.

My internship as a hospital chaplain continues to resonate with me. During the first month of visiting patients, I often thought about the disciples going out into the world after their “internship" with Jesus. How daunting it can be to offer ministry to strangers. As I became more comfortable as a chaplain, the power of spiritual exchange between two strangers was often palpable, even when one of the strangers cannot talk. The mystery of spiritual presence with another person was revealed in different ways with each patient. I will continue to explore it wherever future pastoral opportunities take me.

Visits with patients made the psalms come alive for me, literally. The poetic words we have read describing fear, despair, loneliness and pain were being lived out in those hospital beds. Psalms of hope, faith, trust and compassion were experienced by patients, their families and the staff. I sometimes see people's faces when I read the psalms now. And it doesn't matter that I don't remember their names. The privilege of being present with these patients, to witness these human encounters through my eyes of diaconal discernment was an extraordinary gift for which I give thanks. The chaplaincy experience had a profound spiritual affect on me that will continue through my spiritual journey.

When I was ordained, I was given a gift from a friend of mine who has been a deacon for about 20 years. In fact, his was the first ordination I had ever attended. The gift is a simple, yet elegant, large bowl and a hand towel. The card included these words “May these symbols remind you that the greatest model of leadership is that of a servant.”

I arranged the bowl and towel on a low table in my office at St. John's. Above the table, I printed and framed the lyrics, “Will you let me be your servant. Let me be as Christ to you.” I will cherish the thoughtfulness of my friend and the loving symbols of humility and servanthood. I see the foot-washing set as a metaphor for pastoral visits. When I visit with someone during a difficult time in their life, I am offering a “bowl” to hold their pain for a while and the “towel” to catch their tears. The “bowl” holds the remnants of my own painful experiences through which I can hopefully listen better and the “towel” carries the stains of my own tears that will help me relate and be more present for them.

I have been forever changed by the diaconal discernment process by more ways than I can list right now. Some of the changes are still coming into my spiritual light. I hope my words for this reflection give you a glimmer of the holy experiences I bring to my servant-hood as deacon. Thank you for this opportunity to share parts of my journey with you. And thanks be to God!

By the Rev. Wendy Merrill, deacon, St. John's, Charlotte