Deacon Reflection: I See Grace - A Deacon's First Year

By the Rev. Rick Sigler

It was a chilly January morning when I arrived at Philips Chapel at the Canterbury School. The sun was bright, but the wind was brisk. There were only a few cars in the parking lot, which is typical for me, as I am a "hurry up and wait" person. I was dressed in black, save the plastic collar around my neck. I was certainly not used to this thing, despite a test run the night before. My friend Larry warned me to try it on before the morning of my ordination so I knew how to get it put on correctly.

I vividly remember the ceremony. I remember being surrounded by loved ones, family who traveled to see me take my oath and to have Bishop Anne lay her hands on me, giving me both the authority and the responsibility of being named a deacon of The Episcopal Church alongside three other men that I cannot describe as anything less than my brothers. I remember our Clinical Pastoral Education Supervisor, Marion, giving an eloquent and resonating homily. I made it through a lifetime of discernment and three years of training.

Since that day (or more importantly, since I began the process) my life has taken on additional meaning, reflection, and even more discernment. I see the world in a new light. I better see the individual and the community. I better see the needs, desires, grief and celebration in the lives of God’s children. I better understand where I need to be, and I feel, as my diaconal brother Scott regularly describes, grace, upon grace, upon grace.

As an elementary music teacher in a Title 1, minority rich school, I see that grace and love in every high five I share. I see it in every note played on a recorder, note sung or instrument performed. I see it in every negative behavior corrected. I see it in every new word learned, every laugh, every cry. I see it in the nearly 600 students I see each week, and in the 75-plus teachers I work alongside.

I see it at UNC-Greensboro as a campus and young adult minister when we sit for dinner, share in communion or laugh or cry over coffee. I see it in the School of Music where I learned to hone my craft. I see it in the university center and on the sidewalk as students move to class. I see it in the people who are living on the street, less than a block away from St. Mary’s House. I see it when they need a shoulder, or lunch, or a hug.

I see it as a volunteer chaplain at my local hospital as I, like UNC-Greensboro, give back to the institution that helped me better understand what it means to be a child of God. I see God working in a patient’s peaceful smile, a distressed spouse, and an overworked nurse.

I see grace, I see my call. I see the need to share in God’s love with the community I am with. As a deacon, I find the joys and responsibilities to be shaped in new and exciting ways.

It’s not easier. It’s different. And for me, it’s beautiful. This is a beautiful world, and I am blessed to share the love and grace of God when I can.

Being a permanent deacon (which I am, unlike a transitional deacon which future priests and bishops are) didn’t happen overnight. It takes years of training in our diocese. It’s not a job; rather, it’s a choice, a decision, an answer to the question God has asked me. It’s a lifetime of service to God and our world.

Being a permanent deacon requires a three-year discernment and training process which includes prayer and reflection, study, internship, chaplaincy, meetings and more prayer and reflection. We better understand your faith, your relationship with God, the Church and the community.

We learn to listen to God, ourselves and others.

We realize that we cannot solve all the problems of the world, but we we make a difference where we are and be with those who need our support and love. We may not be able to pay the power bill, but we will sit with them in the darkness.

We don’t have all the answers, but we will stand up and ask the questions.

We share the Word of God’s love.

We set the table. We set out the bread, we pour the wine. We serve, we clean.

We laugh, we cry, we love. We share the grace that the spirit fills in us.

Perhaps you see that grace. Perhaps you hear a call. Maybe the diaconate is something you have considered. I recommend you meditate and pray about it. Speak with your deacon, your priest, or your bishop.