Disciple: Neighbors in Our Midst

When ministry becomes relationship

By Christine McTaggart

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There are few among us who don’t know about the problem of people experiencing homelessness. We see them about, sometimes asking for assistance but more often than not simply keeping to themselves and getting through the day.

Most walk right by these neighbors, usually unsure of what to do or say or how to help. Some genuinely want to offer assistance but either don’t know where to start or are simply overwhelmed by the scope of the problem.

But what would happen if instead of seeing the homeless community only as people in need of help, we saw them as brothers and sisters with whom we could be in relationship? What difference would that make not just to them but to ourselves?

Several diocesan churches have begun to find out.

MINISTRY OF ACCOMPANIMENT

St. Joseph’s, Durham, had been doing homeless ministry for years, morphing and changing with the times, when several years ago they experienced a shift that changed the fundamental approach.

It began when the Rev. Colin Miller, at that time a layperson at St. Joseph’s, started praying the Daily Office with those who spent the night on church grounds. As that relationship developed, the church started offering breakfast following prayer, even if all they had to offer was a simple bowl of cereal.

Soon word began to spread, and others began to appear. What started as an offering soon became the regular morning routine: Morning Prayer followed by breakfast.

“It wasn’t an intentional decision,” said the Rev. Karen Barfield, vicar of St. Joseph’s. “It started with an invitation to prayer and grew into more because of a desire to deepen fellowship and follow prayer with conversation.”

To this day, St. Joseph’s offering is not a formal food pantry or soup kitchen; it is an ongoing invitation to prayer and fellowship. Some come for the prayer, some come for the food, and some come for both, but all are welcome.

As one might expect, a lot of relationships have developed from the conversations over the meals that follow prayer.

CIRCLE OF SUPPORT

To no one’s surprise, what was learned during those conversations is that for those without a home, there are a lot of obstacles to finding one. Sometimes it’s a personal challenge like addiction or illness, and sometimes it’s a lack of resources or knowledge needed to navigate the seemingly endless red tape.

Sometimes it is simply an inability to approach a well-meaning system set up to require those least able to do it to take the initiative.

By March 2015, the relationships between members of St. Joseph’s and those who slept on the church property each night had grown to where the members were beginning truly to understand these challenges. And so began the formation of what St. Joseph’s calls the Ministry of Accompaniment, a circle of support whereby two or three church members deepened their neighbor relationship by walking with someone to identify their needs and to work to help meet them. Whether medical, housing-related or in some other area, resources are identified, transportation is arranged, and appointments are accompanied so additional help and companionship are there at the ready.

“It’s about ‘being with’ someone to be whole and healthy,” said Barfield.

It is sometimes surprising to learn all of this – the Ministry of Accompaniment, the daily meals, responding to real-time needs such emergency shelter on freezing nights – is done by a congregation of about 39 people. “The entire congregation is engaged,” said Barfield. “No one comes to St. Joseph’s unless they’re interested in being in relationship with the poor.”

But members of the congregation are not the only ones in these relationships. More than half of those who came to pray now engage in church life in some way. One gentleman was, within a month of starting to attend, invited by one of the church’s ushers to usher with him. Another has become a member of the congregation, been confirmed and has since served on the vestry. He is still awaiting housing.

Even those who don’t attend church reciprocate in some way. One man cleans up St. Joseph’s courtyard every morning. Others pitch in to clean up and do the dishes after breakfast is served. A few, despite having almost no resources of their own, have even made donations to the church.

“Our congregation is more of a community,” said Barfield. “[It] extends beyond those baptized and confirmed, and it includes our neighbors, partners and even other congregations.”

The relationships at St. Joseph’s only continue to deepen, and the offerings continue to grow. The church is working with local partners to offer shelter on cold nights this winter. It has become part of a Duke Divinity School collaborative health initiative to identify mental health issues and needs.

But at the heart of it all remains the relationships – relationships that began with a prayer and a desire to go deeper.

OPEN WELCOME

Sometimes proximity is all it takes to change how we view a situation. In the case of St. Martin’s, Charlotte, that proximity meant sharing church life with three homeless neighbors living on church grounds, including Little Richard, a gentleman who has lived on the grounds for four years and has come to have relationships with several members of the congregation.

“We learn as we go,” said Marion Sprott-Goldson, former parish administrator (who recently departed to attend seminary). “We learn about how we can respect one another and engage one another in the Christian life and community.”
For St. Martin’s, that means making church life all inclusive. Just recently, the church held a celebration and Little Richard said when he saw the invitations and announcements around the church, he never doubted he was included in those invited.

When cake was served, “I had around six slices,” he said, laughing.

The invitation is open beyond those who live on the grounds. Sprott-Goldson shared a story of a girl she knew years ago who, when living on the streets, routinely sought shelter at churches less for safety than because of the feeling of hope that came with them.

“I wonder,” said Sprott-Goldson, “does just the physical building give comfort and hope in times where it seems so hopeless?”

There’s reason to associate churches with hope. St. Martin’s, like others throughout the diocese, makes food available for folks who need it, stays ready with emergency blankets in the wintertime and opens the church to those looking for shelter during cold winter months. It serves as a meeting space, and its members help navigate the red tape of trying to utilize available resources and be accessible to serve as a sounding board.

Yet as much as St. Martin’s stands ready with resources, parishioners understand the one thing that’s even more important: listening. One of the biggest misconceptions about those who are homeless is that “all homeless people want ‘blank,’” said Sprott-Goldson. “Whatever it is. I’ve heard it from churches and well-meaning people, ‘what all homeless people want.’ Blanket statements jump us into stereotypes and giant labels without knowing the person behind them.”

Said Little Richard, “[I] wish folks knew people go through different parts in life. People go through changes, and it can mess [them] up. They have challenges they have to get over.”

Sprott-Goldson summarized perhaps the greatest gift of being in relationship with St. Martin’s homeless neighbors. “Our relationship with those living on our grounds puts a face on homelessness and who our neighbors really are,” she said. “It’s been eye-opening to have a relationship with someone who does live on the street and realize there is a face, a person and to know he is my brother as much as anyone is my brother or sister.”

 

[During our conversation with Little Richard, he received a phone call we are happy to report led to his recent – long-pursued and long-awaited – housing approval. Photo by Marion Sprott-Goldson]

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN

St. Timothy’s, Winston-Salem, has long been involved with homeless ministry, and, since February 2014, it has served as an emergency overflow shelter during the 122 coldest nights of the year. With more than 180 members of its congregation involved in keeping the shelter running smoothly, building relationships with homeless neighbors in the local community has grown into a year-round ministry.

“We moved away from outsourcing what it means to be in relationship and communion with other people,” said the Rev. Steve Rice, rector of St. Timothy’s. “We’re actually meeting with those who are our brothers and sisters in Christ and doing what we’re called to do. Once you take that step, once you take that risk and get real and do what we’re supposed to do, then that has transformational characteristics as was promised would happen.”

St. Timothy’s also moves beyond church walls. In its work with its homeless neighbors, it often goes out to those with whom it began a relationship through the church’s programs. The Rev. Katie Bryant, St. Timothy’s children and outreach United Methodist elder, and Lea Thullbery are two often seen in all corners of Winston-Salem, building trust and genuine relationships.

“They are like our family,” said Thullbery of those they meet. “Just like family is there for you when you need something, that’s what we try to be.”

“Community is what people lose when they’re homeless,” said Bryant, “and so we step in and be that for them so we can help them create a sustainable community for themselves.”

Bryant and Thullbery also recognize that in the eyes of many they meet, the two women are the church, a sentiment that is a natural extension of seeing ministry at work within church walls.

“Homeless ministry and glorious worship are two sides of the same coin,” said Rice. “That’s the point. The Eucharist flows into this – we receive Christ, he’s in us, and we’re told to see Christ in each other. They’re part and parcel of the same thing.”

EXTEND THE INVITATION

Whether your church is in an area with homeless neighbors or those in other kinds of need, being open is the key to extending the invitation to a relationship.

“Everyone has a gift to share,” said Barfield. “Reach out and find out what those gifts are, and invite them into church life.”

Added Sprott-Goldson, “It’s all about engaging and ‘being with’ people. If that means opening closed doors so people can take advantage of facilities, do it. More than anything, listen. Listen to their stories. Listen to how we see Jesus in each other and what that relationship leads to. I don’t think there’s an exact science to anything, but I think just as any relationship grows, we see where we each might be able to take a step forward and help each other. It’s relationship building. Where that leads is up to God.”

BONUS CONTENT

Learn more about St. Timothy’s journey to becoming an overflow shelter in the “Read All About It” section at episdionc.org.

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Christine McTaggart is the communications director for the Diocese of North Carolina.