A new Lilly Endowment grant will help congregations imagine and design worship for all ages
By the Rev. Kelly Ryan
The 6-year-old walked toward the altar rail and looked around.
He glanced at the organ, the stained glass, the pews, the altar. He had approached this altar rail at St. Joseph’s, Durham, nearly every Sunday of his life. But, on this day, he seemed to be seeing the sanctuary for the first time.
I serve as the children’s minister at St. Joseph’s and had invited this child to explore the sanctuary to learn more about his experience in worship.
I wanted to understand the signs and sounds of worship that were meaningful for him, how he prays and where he encounters God. Ultimately, I hoped to discern how to make worship accessible to him to support his development as a disciple of Jesus. I watched him wander for a few minutes and then began asking questions.
“What are you curious about?” He shrugged.
“What does the church sound like during worship?” Another shrug
“What do you do during church?” “Sit still. Be quiet. Take communion.”
“What would you like to do during church?” Shrug.
When do you feel close to Jesus? “In children’s chapel.”
Nearly every Sunday of his life, this child had been pulled from worship before the Scripture readings to attend children’s chapel.
In that cozy space, he had been free to ask questions, use his body to pray, and follow his inner wisdom to choose whether to engage with his friends or spend time alone with God. By the time he and his peers returned to the sanctuary, it was time for communion, the closing hymn and the dismissal (and doughnuts).
What the adults think of as church simply provides bookends around what this child considers church: an age-segregated classroom.
“SIT STILL AND BE QUIET”
In winter 2024, Lilly Endowment Inc. announced plans to provide grants in the Nurturing Children Through Worship and Prayer Initiative. The aim of the initiative is to help children come to know and love God by supporting congregations as they design intergenerational corporate worship services and prayer practices that more intentionally and fully engage children and nurture their faith.
Bishop Jennifer Brooke-Davidson and I began our discernment about whether to seek funding by wondering about three key questions: What are congregations in our diocese already doing to support the discipleship of children? What are their hopes in their ministry with young people, and how might the diocese walk alongside congregations to offer support? What do young people have to contribute to the spiritual journeys of their elders that our current practices might be stifling?
We surveyed formation leaders who work with children, and from those who responded, several themes emerged. Many told us that they are responsible for planning age-segregated learning opportunities for children but are not involved in worship planning. A number of churches pull children out of worship for formational programs. Few have clear goals to know whether their formation strategies are “working.” Many reported similar challenges in sustaining children’s ministry: uneven attendance; difficulty recruiting and retaining volunteers, who often have little or no training apart from Safe Church; and a lack of paid staffing.
We conducted interviews, talking to scholars, formation leaders and caregivers. We heard yearnings for churches that welcome children in their wholeness, that live into their baptismal promises to support all ages in their life with Christ, that equip caregivers to simultaneously nurture their own prayer lives while helping to support their children’s.
And then we heard from the children.
My heart was broken when a young disciple had told me his only role in worship was to sit still and be quiet. I hoped he was an anomaly.
He wasn’t.
“We are supposed to sit down, be quiet and not be wild.”
“Listen, be quiet, be calm.”
Describing how he feels in worship, one child told us: “Bored and hungry. I am not happy.”
We can do so much better.
FORMING DISCIPLES OF ALL AGES
In the 10th chapter of the Gospel of Mark, disciples speak sternly to children (and their caregivers) who are trying to get close enough to Jesus that he might touch them. Jesus is “indignant” that his disciples would try to block children from his blessing. “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the Kingdom of God belongs,” Jesus tells his disciples (Mark 10:14).
How might we be unintentionally stopping children from coming to Jesus? How are our worship services, prayer practices and formational programs responsive and welcoming to the particular ways that children experience God? How might we design thoughtful intergenerational spaces where the dignity of every member of the body of Christ is respected, treasured and prepared to do God’s work in the world?
Wondering about questions like these is at the heart of the diocese’s $1.25 million grant proposal that Lilly Endowment funded in late 2024. Over the next five years, the diocese is reconceiving the way it supports congregations around children’s and family formation. Rather than continue primarily to offer diocesan-wide programming, we will:
- spark congregational imagination around intergenerational worship and its connection to holistic Christian formation;
- curate connections among congregations; and
- equip and empower congregational leaders—including clergy, children’s and youth professionals, caregivers and children—with skills to help children express their faith through worship and prayer as well as design and lead inclusive and sensory-rich worship rooted in our denomination’s rich liturgical traditions.
This approach is grounded in several key convictions.
First, children are made in the image of God, gifts from God, who have deep and loving relationships with God. They have the capacity for profound understanding of the most perplexing mysteries of our faith and have ways of experiencing and expressing faith through worship and prayer that transcend language. Children are members of the body of Christ deserving of special welcome, love and attention, who themselves have something to teach. We are all diminished when we treat children as empty buckets to fill or distractions to manage.
Next, intergenerational worship and age-specific formation programs work together to form all of God’s people, including children, as disciples. In our Episcopal liturgy, we are grafted into God’s sweeping story of liberation, meet Jesus at the altar, and pray and learn as part of a community that is sent together out into the world to spread love, justice and peace. In classrooms, parish halls and living rooms, we have space to ask questions and learn from peers. Together, these experiences build a rich tapestry of relationships, practices and stories that prepare all ages to fulfill our baptismal vocations. We need both—worship and programs, intergenerational and age-specific.
A one-size-fits-all approach to intergenerational worship and effective children’s ministry doesn’t exist. Each congregation has its own hopes, needs, context and traditions. That local wisdom is a gift that the diocese wants to nurture by accompanying congregations as they listen to their community, name their formation goals, align their practices with these goals, and then evaluate what is working and pivot as needed. Part of walking alongside congregations will involve some match-making, helping congregations know, support and learn from one another.
Finally, engaging children in discipleship is not only the work of a children’s minister on Sunday morning. It is an entire community’s work, throughout the week. All of God’s people need to understand what we do in worship and why; have rich prayer lives they can describe to fellow travelers; have experience sitting with the mysteries of our faith; and name the Scripture passages that have been foundational as they have come to know, love and follow Jesus. Becoming intentionally intergenerational means attending to foundational formation for all ages.
What will implementing this grant look like in practice?
This year, we continue to lay the groundwork for this initiative by gathering resources, information and collaborators. Beginning next year, our staff and partners will offer coaching to help congregations assess how children are involved in corporate worship and prayer; mini-grants for churches to design and test experiments to engage children more intentionally; regional and diocesan-wide gatherings to build formation communities of practice; and online learning opportunities to help congregational leaders gain skills to sustain intergenerational worship and formation approaches.
In the months since the 6-year-old disciple visited our church’s sanctuary and described his experience, he has had several opportunities to help lead worship. The first time he vested, to help set the altar for the Eucharist, was at a priest’s ordination.
As we stood outside, preparing to process into the church, he asked: “How old do you have to be to become a priest?”
Let the little children come.
The Rev. Kelly Ryan is the missioner for discipleship for the Diocese of North Carolina and is currently meeting with congregations to support their discernment. Contact her to schedule time together.
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