I arranged the bowl and towel on a
low table in my office at St. John’s.
Above the table, I printed and framed the lyrics, “Will you let me be your
servant. Let me be as Christ to you.” I will cherish the thoughtfulness of my
friend and the loving symbols of humility and servanthood. I see the
foot-washing set as a metaphor for pastoral visits. When I visit with someone
during a difficult time in their life, I am offering a “bowl” to hold their pain
for a while and the “towel” to catch their tears. The “bowl” holds the remnants
of my own painful experiences through which I can hopefully listen better and
the “towel” carries the stains of my own tears that will help me relate and be
more present for them.
I have been forever changed by the diaconal discernment
process by more ways than I can list right now. Some of the changes are still
coming into my spiritual light. I hope my words for this reflection give you a
glimmer of the holy experiences I bring to my servant-hood as deacon. Thank you
for this opportunity to share parts of my journey with you. And thanks be to
God!
By the Rev. Wendy Merrill, deacon, St. John’s, Charlotte
My name is Wendy Merrill, and I am a deacon serving at St. John’s, Charlotte. I was ordained this January (2020) so the role of deacon is still a
bit new for me. When I was invited to write this reflection about myself as a
deacon, my reaction was “Where do I begin?” So my thoughts went to my CPE experiences and my ordination, both of which
were so rich in different ways. I have decided to share parts of these two
experiences.
My internship as a hospital chaplain continues to resonate with
me. During the first month of visiting patients, I often thought about the
disciples going out into the world after their “internship” with Jesus. How
daunting it can be to offer ministry to strangers. As I became more comfortable
as a chaplain, the power of spiritual exchange between two strangers was often
palpable, even when one of the strangers cannot talk. The mystery of spiritual
presence with another person was revealed in different ways with each patient.
I will continue to explore it wherever future pastoral opportunities take me.
Visits with patients made the psalms come alive for me, literally. The poetic
words we have read describing fear, despair, loneliness and pain were being lived
out in those hospital beds. Psalms of hope, faith, trust and compassion were
experienced by patients, their families and the staff. I sometimes see people’s
faces when I read the psalms now. And it doesn’t matter that I don’t remember
their names. The privilege of being present with these patients, to witness
these human encounters through my eyes of diaconal discernment was an
extraordinary gift for which I give thanks. The chaplaincy experience had a
profound spiritual affect on me that will continue through my spiritual
journey.
When I was ordained, I was given a gift from a friend of mine who has
been a deacon for about 20 years. In fact, his was the first ordination I had
ever attended. The gift is a simple, yet elegant, large bowl and a hand towel.
The card included these words “May these symbols remind you that the greatest
model of leadership is that of a servant.”
I arranged the bowl and towel on a
low table in my office at St. John’s.
Above the table, I printed and framed the lyrics, “Will you let me be your
servant. Let me be as Christ to you.” I will cherish the thoughtfulness of my
friend and the loving symbols of humility and servanthood. I see the
foot-washing set as a metaphor for pastoral visits. When I visit with someone
during a difficult time in their life, I am offering a “bowl” to hold their pain
for a while and the “towel” to catch their tears. The “bowl” holds the remnants
of my own painful experiences through which I can hopefully listen better and
the “towel” carries the stains of my own tears that will help me relate and be
more present for them.
I have been forever changed by the diaconal discernment
process by more ways than I can list right now. Some of the changes are still
coming into my spiritual light. I hope my words for this reflection give you a
glimmer of the holy experiences I bring to my servant-hood as deacon. Thank you
for this opportunity to share parts of my journey with you. And thanks be to
God!
By the Rev. Wendy Merrill, deacon, St. John’s, Charlotte
